Inside Alastor's head
by KathyPrior42
Summary: Ever wondered what was going on in the infamous Radio Demon's head? Look no further...


"_Use the princess to convince Lucifer to hand over Hell to me. Get to know Charlie and her family, see how this so called Happy Hotel works. I can't wait to see her face when she realizes it's actually the Hazbin Hotel. Has a better ring to it, anyway. May as well speed up the process by bringing in Niffty and making grumpy Husk join in. It'll be everything Charlie's dreamed of…and when it all blows up in her face, I'll be enjoying my popcorn."_

"_So Charlie likes music and dancing, too? How marvelous! These hotel residents can enjoy my singing and illusion magic. (They won't know what's coming next.)"_

"_Who, me? Evil? Why would you think that? It's totally unlike me to broadcast my massacre of demon citizens who stand in my way. (Except it is.) Man, seeing them running and sacred…reminds me of game I used to hunt when I was alive."_

"_The demon princess wants to redeem sinners. Ha! Probably the silliest claim I've ever heard. A nice refresher from the usual grim news on the Picture Show. Her singing was a nice bonus. Oh, the good old days of being on the air…basking in the attention and glory. I told jokes, advertised shows, announced fun events. I even got to report on murders for the news, probably my favorite part. Soooo close to being able to advertise Jambalaya. Several other announcers got the part, so I wore a disguise, snuck in one day and sliced their heads off. Still loved the expressions on their faces. Here in Hell, I have no opponents in the radio business. "_

"_Those overlords look scary and cocky, but they've heard the tales of me…they're scared deep down, for good reason. Sir Pentious didn't stand a chance when I summoned black tentacles to wrap around him and his ship. Along with my powers, I have shadowy spirits to do my bidding. That's why you can sometimes see them when I attack. You don't need brute force and insults to win someone over. All it takes sometimes is some illusions, a little help from the Loa…and just smiling all the way through."_

"_My microphone cane surly comes in handy. It's what allows me to project events in front of me and broadcast them on the radio. It has a life of its own, but I'm in control, of course. All part of the magic deal with the Loa."_

"_I enjoyed watching the picture show and going to the circus when I was a boy. Watching the animals and the performers was lots of fun. I may have burned down the circus tent after being rejected from a comedian role. But it was only an accident: my fingers slipped when I was getting cigarettes for father. Whenever I got sad, my mother told me "You're never fully dressed without a smile." Her motto still rings true to this day." _

"_I enjoyed hunting deer in my human life, yet I also feel some connection to the animal. They're majestic, agile, and are free to travel pretty much anywhere. Though they're often attacked by hunting dogs…or in my case, police dogs. The beasts mauled me just before I died. It was back in 1933. Thus, for my so called evil deeds, I arrived down here in Hell. And I gotta say, it's quite a fun place to be!"_

"_Sex and romance don't interest me. Don't get me wrong; Charlie is a charming demon belle, and Vaggie is adorable and feisty…but they're just a means to an end. Maybe I'm too self-absorbed to want to deal with being judged by others. More fun, less responsibilities when you're on your own. Though, I'll admit, I did meet a lovely lady in my human life, but, certain circumstances led to a tragic end. Don't get me started on Angel's disturbing sexual remarks. That gross stuff makes my skin crawl. (Heh, that stuff bothers me but seeing the blood of my victims does not. Go figure.)"_

"_When I smile and touch people, I'm in control. It's the quickest and obvious way to show my dominance. Frowning shows doubt, weakness, and I can't afford to appear weak. When other's try to touch me, it's always unexpected. I can never tell what it will feel like on me. My space, my rules. Touch me too much, and I hate it. Like when he…my father…did things to me…in front of mom. Abuse, molest, he did it to both of us when the drinks were in his system. You can see why I was shocked and overjoyed when I finally stabbed the life out of him. I also really didn't want to murder my mother and the love of my life…but they were going to tell the authorities what I did…so there was no choice. I fled into the woods in the hours before dawn, the police hot on my tail. Saw the faces of deer before I got shot in the head. The dogs came upon me and…nothing."_

"_I got my love of cooking from my mum. One of her favorite things to make was jambalaya. A tasty cuisine of rice, chicken, sausage, shrimp, a whole bundle of things. She added so much spice to it (and accidentally burned herself making it), it almost killed her. I thought it was fabulous, the heat invigorating to my taste buds. The secret spices she used by accident? Ghost peppers and Wasabi. It reminds me of home in New Orleans…a world of music, daily life, and alas, racism. People who didn't know me at the radio station, white people and sometimes black people, badmouthing me for my mixed Creole heritage. Once I perfected my shooting with my rifle, well…they got what they deserved in the dead of night."_

"_Ah, I loved the stock market crash of 1929! There were so many orphans, so many kids in distress! Perhaps it made me feel better to know that there were those who had it worse than me. I've had my share of bad luck, it was about time for others to experience some of their own."_

"_I sometimes kill people at random, when I'm especially mad. It's sort of like a game: the more you kill, the more dominant you'll appear. I'm not fond of killing innocent children or chasing people, I mostly prefer to catch people off guard. To slaughter them behind the curtain, if you will. I would never rape or eat another person…such uncouth, disgusting behavior. Chasing my victims takes too long. Best to go at my own pace and decide their fate for them. But no worries; for women and innocent strangers, I make their deaths as painless as I can. Gotta keep being a gentlemen in some aspects."_

"_Voodoo had been practiced by my ancestors, way back in Africa. I read about the Loas and many of them were just like me: well-dressed, powerful, lovers of food, wine, the good life. From what was passed down to me, I was able to communicate with them. They granted me their powers to use in my afterlife…but only if I was willing to suffer an "early, gruesome death," along with the loss of a potential lady partner… you know the rest. I know some of the symbols and they provide me with visualization of the spells I want to conjure." _

"_Singing, swing music, the radio, dancing, and dad jokes…those hobbies brought light to my otherwise mundane, grim human life. Even if other people don't find those jokes funny, I always get a kick out of them. They're so simple…a basic for any comedian. Though I do wish I knew how to tap dance. Maybe my magic can help me out..."_


End file.
